Coffee and Tea Quotations

The Quippery

All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person.
– Author Unknown –

American-style iced tea is the perfect drink for a hot, sunny day. It’s never really caught on in the UK, probably because the last time we had a hot, sunny day was back in 1957.
– Tom Holt –

A morning without coffee is like sleep.
– Author Unknown –

As far as her mom was concerned, tea fixed everything. Have a cold? Have some tea. Broken bones? There’s a tea for that too. Somewhere in her mother’s pantry, Laurel suspected, was a box of tea that said, ‘In case of Armageddon, steep three to five minutes’.
– Aprilynne Pike, Illusions –

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea.
– Author Unknown –

COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.
– Author Unknown –

C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep?
– Author Unknown –

Déjà Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before.
– Author Unknown –

Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors?
– Author Unknown –

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
– Jean Kerr –

I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.
– Television show Will and Grace –

I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
Here is my handle. Here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout.
Tip me over and pour me out!
– The Teapot Song, George Harold Sanders and Clarence Z. Kelley –

In Britain, a cup of tea is the answer to every problem.
Fallen off your bicycle? Nice cup of tea.
Your house has been destroyed by a meteorite? Nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
Your entire family has been eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex that has traveled through a space/time portal? Nice cup of tea and a piece of cake. Possibly a savoury option would be welcome here too, for example a Scotch egg or a sausage roll.
– David Walliams, Mr Stink –

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
– Ronald Reagan –

In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.
– Jeff Bezos –

Honestly, if you’re given the choice between Armageddon or tea, you don’t say ‘what kind of tea?”
– Neil Gaiman –

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles.
-Dave Barry –

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change, and wine to accept the things that I can’t.
– Author Unknown –

Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish.
– Author Unknown –

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn’t try it on.
– Billy Connolly –

“Police work wouldn’t be possible without coffee,” Wallander said.
“No work would be possible without coffee.”
They pondered the importance of coffee in silence.
– Henning Mankell, One Step Behind –

Retirement is one great big giant coffee break.
– Author Unknown –

Strange how a teapot can represent at the same time the comforts of solitude and the pleasures of company
– Author Unknown –

The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot.
– Betty MacDonald –

The cup of tea on arrival at a country house is a thing which, as a rule, I particularly enjoy. I like the crackling logs, the shaded lights, the scent of buttered toast, the general atmosphere of leisured coziness.
– P.G. Wodehouse –

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.
– Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr., Over the Teacups –

This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion… From that moment on, everything becomes agitated. Ideas quick-march into motion like battalions of a grand army to its legendary fighting ground, and the battle rages. Memories charge in, bright flags on high; the cavalry of metaphor deploys with a magnificent gallop; the artillery of logic rushes up with clattering wagons and cartridges; on imagination’s orders, sharpshooters sight and fire; forms and shapes and characters rear up; the paper is spread with ink – for the nightly labor begins and ends with torrents of this black water, as a battle opens and concludes with black powder.
– Honoré de Balzac, The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee –

Ultimate office automation — networked coffee machines.
– Author Unknown –

Under certain circumstances there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.
– Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady –

Water is the most essential element of life, because without it you can’t make coffee.
– Author Unknown –

Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.
– David Letterman –

You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.
– C.S. Lewis –