Food – Vegetable Quotations

The Quippery

Advice from a Pumpkin: Be well-rounded. Get plenty of sunshine. Give thanks for life’s bounty. Have a thick skin. Keep growing. Be outstanding in your field. Think big!
– Ilan Shamir –

After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual “food” out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.
-Miss Piggy –

Any dish that has either a taste or an appearance that can be improved by parsley is ipso facto a dish unfit for human consumption.
– Ogden Nash –

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
– Henry L. Mencken –

Calories are little units that measure how good a particular food tastes. Fudge, for example, has a great many calories, whereas celery, which is not really a food but a member of the plywood family provided by mother nature so that we would have a way to get onion dip into our mouths, has none.
– Dave Barry –

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
– Author Unknown –

Do you hunt your own truffles or do you hire a pig?
– Jean McClatchy –

During a bull session about human nature, a friend made this observation: “When we make sandwiches, we begin with square bread, round meat, rectangular pickles, slices of tomatoes, chopped onion and flat lettuce. We then cut the sandwich diagonally – and get angry when pieces of it fall on the floor.”
– Edward K. Ulery –

Even today, well-brought up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all vegetables for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.
– Calvin Trillin –

Facts must be faced. Vegetables simply don’t taste as good as most other things do.
– Peg Bracken, The Compleat I Hate to Cook Book –

First off, let’s clear this up—fries are not a side dish and you can’t count those as a vegetable. Sorry.
– Tez Brooks, The Single Dad Detour: Directions for Fathering After Divorce –

Four year old Bob was so anti-spinach that when he was served asparagus for the first time, he moaned, “Oh, no! Not spinach legs!”
– Mildred Sherrer –

Give Peas a Chance.
– Pun – Author Unknown –

How to eat spinach like a child – Divide into little piles – rearrange again into new piles – repeat. After five or six maneuvers, sit back and say you are full.
– Delia Ephron –

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
– Author Unknown –

I don’t want any vegetables, thank you. I paid for the cow to eat them for me.
– Douglas Coupland –

If you stir coconut oil into your kale while you cook it, it makes it easier to scrape it into the trash.
– Author Unknown –

It’s possible to feel full when it comes to more vegetables, but not full when it comes to a piece of cake.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

I used to be into ‘forbidden fruit’, but I’ve moved on to‘verboten vegetables’.
– Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single: What Good Is Having A Lucky Horseshoe Up Your Butt When The Horse Is Still Attached? –

I’ve tried that Japanese decluttering trend where you hold each thing you own and throw it out if it doesn’t give you joy. So far I’ve thrown out all the vegetables and the electric bill.
– Author Unknown –

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
– Rita Rudner –

Jonah’s adaptive niche in the family ecosystem was to be the perfect grandchild, eager to scramble up on laps, unafraid of bitter vegetables, underexcited by television and computer games, and skilled at cheerfully answering questions like “Are you loving school?”
– Jonathan Franzen, The Corrections –

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable. Wisdom is knowing not to include it in a fruit salad.
– Brian Gerald O’Driscoll –

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.
– Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life, 1978 –

Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
– Andy Rooney –

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
– Doug Larson –

Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks.
– Marilyn Wann –

Life itself is like an onion: it has a bewildering number of layers; you peel them off, one by one, and sometimes you cry.
– Carl Sandburg –

Mother to child at the dinner table: “It seems like yesterday we practically had to hit you over the head to get you to eat your vegetables. Now all of a sudden you’re a vegetarian.
– Joe E. Buresch –

…nobody really likes capers no matter what you do with them. Some people pretend to like capers, but the truth is that any dish that tastes good with capers in it, tastes even better with capers not in it.
– Nora Ephron, Heartburn –

Overheard on a bus: “My worry about genetically altered vegetables is that my daughter seems to be dating one”.
– Bill Tammeus –

Someone keeps putting vegetables in the beer crisper.
– someecards.com –

Some people cry when cutting onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond with the vegetable.
– constantly_varied_gear –

The beet is the most intense of vegetables. The radish, admittedly, is more feverish, but the fire of the radish is a cold fire, the fire of discontent, not of passion. Tomatoes are lusty enough, yet there runs through tomatoes an undercurrent of frivolity. Beets are deadly serious.
– Tom Robbins, ‘A Cook’s book of Quotations’ –

The connecting link between the animal and vegetable (plant) kindgom is stew.
– E.C. McKenzie –

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
– Mark Twain –

The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground and sprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, you will be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt.
– Dave Barry –

Then the zucchini started to arrive; first those lovely little delicacies, then the hefty meal-in-a-zucchini – the ones that can be stacked like cordwood or shipped off to the Guiness Book of World Records. At this point the neighbors finally realized that things were getting out of control. They had planted a 25 foot row.
– Harrowsmith #14 –

To my favorite honeydew, do you carrot all for me?
My heart beets for you, with your turnip nose, and radish face.
You are a peach. If we cantaloupe, lettuce marry.
Weed make a swell pear.
– Author Unknown –

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
– Jim Davis –

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
– Fran Lebowitz, ‘Metropolitan Life’ –

“Vegetarian” is an old Indian word meaning “I don’t hunt so good.”
– Reg Hunter, The Red Green Show –

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
– Author Unknown –

Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
– Author Unknown –

Zucchinis terrific!
Like bunnies, prolific!
– Author Unknown –

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