Internet and Computer Quotations

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
– Mitch Ratcliffe –

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.
– Joseph Weizenbaum –

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
– Author Unknown –

Blogs seem to have two magnetic poles, one attracting friends, the other repulsing relatives.
– Robert Brault –

C:\DOS   C:\DOS\RUN   RUN\DOS\RUN!
– Author Unknown –

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
-Author Unknown –

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
– Joseph Campbell –

Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
– P. J. O’Rourke –

Email… encourages people who have nothing to say, to say it to everyone.
– Elaine St. James –

Eye halve a spelling checker,
It came with my Pea Sea,
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye dew knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh
My checker tolled me sew…
– Author Unknown, An Oed Two The Spelling Checker –

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
– Mitch Kapor –

Had there been a computer in 1872, it would probably have predicted that by now there would be so many horse-drawn vehicles it would be almost impossible to clear up all the manure.
– Professor K. William Kapp –

Hi, I’m a Mac and I’m a PC and since all you do is look at LOLCATS and Facebook, we’re functionally identical.
– Author Unknown –

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
– Doug Larson –

I could walk over to Q-Tel and pick up the bits faster!
– The Car Guy, comment on Internet Email downloads in Qatar –

If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a “fix” of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
– Rob Stampfli –

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashes… oh, wait a minute, he already does.
– Author Unknown –

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in.
– Author Unknown –

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.
– Scott Adams –

If you’re looking for a really challenging pastime, you could tackle one of the classics, like competing in a triathlon, reading James Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake, or learning quantum mechanics. Or, if those don’t seem tricky enough, try your hand at picking the right paper for your printer.
– Dave Johnson –

It isn’t easy being the parent of a six year old today. However, it’s a small price to pay to have someone around the house who understands computers.
– S.D. Sisseton –

It’s hardware that makes a machine fast. It’s software that makes a fast machine slow.
– Craig Bruce –

It’s called ‘The Web’ because once you’re in it, you are stuck.
– Terry Hall –

Life was so much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
– Author Unknown –

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
– Andy Rooney –

Microsoft, where quality is job 1.1.
– Author Unknown –

My PC wasn’t Plug-n-Play.
It was Plug-n-Get Mad.
– Author Unknown –

Now-a-days 12 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, and a Facebook profile. When I was 12, I felt cool with my New Gel Pen.
– Author Unknown –

On Twitter we get excited if someone follows us. In real life we get really scared and run away.
– Author Unknown –

Perfect documents will develop errors on their way to the printer.
– Russel and Crawford, Murphy’s Laws of Windows –

Please don’t use Comic Sans – we are a Fortune 500 Company, not a Lemonade Stand.
– Note on an Office door –

There is no such thing as a perfect computer, because there is no such thing as a perfect user…
– Author Unknown –

Ropes… Check.
Crampons… Check.
Harness… Ice axe… Check. Check.
Okay Eugene. Let’s tackle that inbox. The south face today?
Sounds good. I got your back.
The “We’ve got way too much data to deal with” era is over.
– Microsoft Corporation, 2005 –

The cat sitting at the keyboard of the computer explains to the cat watching: “So far I’ve discovered I was in a litter of eight and my mother’s name was Fluffy!”
– Author Unknown –

The greatest thing about the internet is that you can quote something and just totally make up the source.
– Benjamin Franklin –

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
– Dave Barry –

TWAIN – Tool Without An Interesting Name
– Author Unknown –

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards
could produce the complete works of Shakespeare;
now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
– Robert Wilensky –

Weinberg’s Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
– Author Unknown –

What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a “modem” can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo.
– Dave Barry –

When you introduce a new technology, you change your culture. When you bought the computer or video or microwave, did you think about how it would change the culture of your family?
– David Wilcox –

While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our config.sys settings.
– Dave Barry –

Who is General Protection Fault and why is he reading my disk?
– Author Unknown –

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
– Margaret Segall, 1998 –

You can’t take something off the Internet — it’s like taking pee out of a pool.
– Author Unknown, 1995 –

You have just received the “Novice Hacker Virus”. As we ain’t got no programming experience, this virus works on the honour system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thanks for your cooperation.
– Author Unknown –

You know computers are getting too sophisticated when the message says, “Go home, I can finish this without you.”
– Author Unknown –

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